Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
