you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
