I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were trust falling into bushes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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