I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
