nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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