Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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