you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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