idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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