YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
