I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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