Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
