He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Randomize
