i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
