The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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