I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
