dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
