i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
