Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
