it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
