At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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