I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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