I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
