We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
