he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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