What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
