i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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