Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
