ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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