I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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