Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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