you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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