if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
