we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
