elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He shit in the fireplace
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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