I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
