OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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