I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
