im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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