Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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