I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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