I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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