I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
