4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
