Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
