Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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