i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
