Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
