keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
