so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
