I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
