Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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