Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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