Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
