im drinking this country out of the recession.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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