i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
