he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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