"it" just moved
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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