the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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