This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
