i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
