i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize