I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
