Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
