Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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