You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
