Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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