Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
