Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
