it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
