i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my sisters under your porch take her home
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
