apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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